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This week has been up and down.  Up because the symptoms have been less, but also down for the same reason cause I worried about miscarriage.  Up about my growing belly but down because I have only three outfits that hide it, all which are light sweaters but it’s getting warmer out, and the maternity jeans I just bought only fit for the first half hour and then start stretching out too much and falling down.  Up when I feel a little more in control, down when I feel like I’m not being a great mom to Elsa and making all these interactive play at home learning toys for her.  Up when we get out of the house and do things.  Down when I start thinking about money and how we have none right now until after we know and pay our tax bill (and upcoming credit card due).  Up with how much I love Elsa and how wonderful she is.  Down when I worry about how I can possibly love this baby as much as I love her.

WEEK: 8

MONTH: 2

TRIMESTER: 1

GENDER GUESS: I’m so hoping it’s a girl.  Today I was going through the big bin of Elsa’s clothes that’s been overflowing onto the floor, it has last summer’s clothes through now that she’s outgrown.  And I love sooooooooo many of them.  It would be torture to give them away.  So I more than ever hope it’s a girl so I can use them again!

BABY’S HOMEWORK THIS WEEK: This week the embryonic tail will disappear, and the hands and feet will have more formed fingers and toes as opposed to looking like paddles.  The eyes are fully developed (that’s so crazy!), but the eyelids are fused shut over them for the next 16 weeks or so.  The baby’s reproductive organs are starting to form as well.

BABY’S SIZE: .9 inch, the size of a green olive

BABY LOOKS LIKE:

WEIGHT GAIN: I’ve been eating so bad over the last two weeks, fattening stuff, so there’s no way I haven’t gained weight.  I’m just not sure cause I’ve put off weighing myself.  I just measured my belly and it’s the same as last week which is a little surprising cause it looks even bigger to me.  It’s a big belly already!

SYMPTOMS: Last weekend my symptoms started not being as severe.  I still get stomach aches, but they aren’t as debilitating as they were last week.  And I still have times with low energy and get tired, but it doesn’t seem as bad.  Which should have been great but instead I got paranoid about a miscarriage then.  It’s now been almost a week of having the more mild symptoms, so I’m not as scared anymore since at least I’m still having symptoms.  And really they’re still not fun, so I guess I’m thankful that they aren’t quite as bad right now.  At least I can get dressed and leave the house this week.

I have had frequent stomach aches this week, the same as last week but just not quite quite as bad.  And I’m often burping tiny little bits.  I don’t taste any acid reflux in my mouth so I’m not sure yet whether that’s what it is.  I somehow get scared to take Tums, like it will maybe bother my stomach even more, and I hate the taste in my mouth after awhile.  But I know I’ll be living on them soon so I should just try and see if they help the burping.  I’ve been sleeping better for the most part, at least during this week (not on the weekend).  I haven’t gotten up to let our dog out so that’s helped.  Usually in the early evening I’ve been getting super super tired, yawning like crazy.  And even sometimes during the day I can’t stop yawning.  At least I feel like I’m managing a little better now though.  I sit when I need to, I sometimes lay down when Elsa is napping.  I’ve managed to cook half the days, or at least have something ready for dinner.  And I’ve managed to go outside most of the days, whether for shopping, a walk to the park, to a friend’s house, etc.  And today I’ve been cleaning and organizing.  So I feel better about myself, like I have a little more control.

CURRENT MOOD: Feeling better than last week.  Still tired and not great, but better and more in control.  Sort of excited that my belly is getting big and by the time we tell people in a month, I’ll be able to wear cute maternity shirts.

I’m also a little sad still at how this pregnancy so far isn’t as exciting as my first.  Maybe it will change some once I’m in my second trimester, but I’ve talked to a couple friends and read an article recently, and it seems I’m not alone.  The first pregnancy is all-consuming.  I was constantly reading what was happening that week, looking at photos, looking at baby products, picking out which stroller I wanted online and how I wanted the baby’s room to look, just constantly thinking about being pregnant.  This time, I’m mostly being a mom to Elsa, and trying to keep our house organized and cook dinners and feed Elsa numerous times each day.  I don’t have time to think about being pregnant, and it doesn’t seem as exciting, at least right now when I’m feeling sick.

And I also have all these worries.  How Elsa will deal with a new baby and how I can give her enough time and special moments so she won’t be jealous and so it hopefully won’t affect our bond.  Whether I’ll resent the new baby for taking so much time away from my sweet Elsa.  How I won’t be able to just hold the new baby for hours, staring as it as it sleeps, kissing it hundreds of times each day, like I did with Elsa.  And how I will possibly be able to love another baby as much as I love Elsa.  I know that I’m also not alone in these worries.  I’ve talked to a few of my friends who said they had every one of these worries throughout their entire second pregnancies, and then it was all fine and perfect when the baby came.  I still can’t help it though, and I just keep reminding myself over and over that all my friends had the worries and nothing came of them after the baby arrived.

CURRENT FAVORITE FOOD OR CRAVING: I still want sweet fruits – apples, strawberries, grapes.  And now this week I crave milk.  I think maybe taking my vitamins with milk in the morning as opposed to with water has helped with the stomach ache I’d get in the morning, but now I also crave it during the day as well.  When I pour Elsa a fresh sippy cup of milk, I suddenly have to have a glass, too.  And I still don’t want to even think about coffee, thinking about the smell makes me feel sick.

DOCTOR APPOINTMENTS: I need to call my OB to find out about the genetic testing appointment.  I’ll do that after I finish this, if Elsa hasn’t woken up yet.  And I’m thinking about maybe seeing if I can get a midwife this time.  A friend was telling me about hers and how wonderful she was, and how she takes referrals over the general public, so I may see if she can take me.  But I know midwives get booked up incredibly fast here (I tried when I was 5 weeks, 1 day pregnant with Elsa and they were all booked up already for my due date).

BEST MOMENT OF THE WEEK: Going to the park on Tuesday with Elsa for a couple hours, and realizing that although she’s not a baby anymore and is all toddler, she still wants and needs me and isn’t close to being ready to go off on her own and leave me behind.  So the realization that this summer I’ll still have her all to myself but with it being so much more fun than last summer, that was so wonderful and made me so happy!!!!  And she also holds my hand all the time now, and anytime she’s uncertain of something she holds my hand readily.  I love that!!!!

WHAT I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO: Not feeling sick.  Not having to try to hide this round and growing belly.  So to feeling good and being able to wear maternity clothes (and hopefully belly looking cutely round and not just fat in clothes by then).

WHAT I’M MISSING: Energy.  Hot dogs (I saw a news story yesterday and the hot dogs looked sooooooo good).  Brie (maybe I can have baked brie sometime?).

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